Big brother

I have spent the night looking up baby names. Lame, right? For someone who doesn't want to go down this road again, I sure am anxious for the day that I might hold another child in my arms. My baby is nowhere near the infant I brought home. Although watching Nathan grow up brings with it its own kind of joy and wonderment, I absolutely long for the familiarity of sleepless nights and leaky boobs. I am discouraged by where this road may take us but encouraged with the knowledge that we are just part of a plan and what is supposed to happen WILL happen. 

We were all in the car the other day when Nathan announced that his baby sister was on her way soon. Up until that moment he was all about baby brothers, so I don't know if this was just wishful thinking on his part or if he was simply a messenger of encouragement. 

A few days later, on our way to Minnesota, he was playing away in his car seat when suddenly he stopped and told me that he really misses his baby brother and was so sad. Then, in an unprecedented manner, he began crying. That just shattered my heart.

I don't know what all goes on in his little(ish) head, but obviously he thinks about babies too. I just hate that he got cheated out of big brotherhood, because he would be great at it and I want it so badly for him.