Let the countdown begin

Well, I officially may be past the point of no return.... I (think) I am officially in the two week window of anxious waiting. I forgot how much I hate this. However, I have zero confidence that this will be the month considering that it took me three years to get pregnant with Nathan, so my hopes are not up. Plus, we are going on vacation next month which means that if I am not pregnant this cycle than I can still drink on vacation. Always a silver lining, right?? 

My Android fertility/period tracker app says that I have three more days until my most fertile day- however since it can take the little swimmers (which I have recently learned actually crawl, not swim- gross!!!!) 72 hours to squirm their way up there and they can hang around for up to 6 days. I think I am covered....

So, my plan is to BD a few more times just to make sure that I am good and covered and then test no sooner than 6/14.

So, in the mashed words of Effie Trinket for all you Hunger Games addicts out there (you know who you are!!):

"May the odds be ever in my favor!"

Big brother

I have spent the night looking up baby names. Lame, right? For someone who doesn't want to go down this road again, I sure am anxious for the day that I might hold another child in my arms. My baby is nowhere near the infant I brought home. Although watching Nathan grow up brings with it its own kind of joy and wonderment, I absolutely long for the familiarity of sleepless nights and leaky boobs. I am discouraged by where this road may take us but encouraged with the knowledge that we are just part of a plan and what is supposed to happen WILL happen. 

We were all in the car the other day when Nathan announced that his baby sister was on her way soon. Up until that moment he was all about baby brothers, so I don't know if this was just wishful thinking on his part or if he was simply a messenger of encouragement. 

A few days later, on our way to Minnesota, he was playing away in his car seat when suddenly he stopped and told me that he really misses his baby brother and was so sad. Then, in an unprecedented manner, he began crying. That just shattered my heart.

I don't know what all goes on in his little(ish) head, but obviously he thinks about babies too. I just hate that he got cheated out of big brotherhood, because he would be great at it and I want it so badly for him.

Opening the book back up...

My blog has fallen somewhat off the radar these past few months because I have been totally consumed by homework, but it's summer vacation and I now have something to blog about again.

This is a special month. A long awaited, much anticipated (and even sometimes dreaded) month. I have finally been cleared by my doctor to try for baby number 3. This should be great news, which it is. But it comes with its own slew of terrifying emotions. Mainly because after being tested for everything under the sun, the doctors were never able to give me any reasons for what happened with Noah. So, I could be a ticking time bomb, just waiting to abrupt again. Or, I could sail through a pregnancy with no problems. I guess there is no way to know other than to take that leap of faith. 

So, my blogger friends, you are in for an exclusive treat. You get to follow me on this (somewhat) secret journey. I don't plan on publicizing that fact that I will be trying again (other than putting it on the Internet for the world to see lol...but it turns out few of my "real-life" friends follow me so I think it's safe). So, for the few of you who actually know me in real life.... mum's the word! I don't care to have everybody's opinion on why I shouldn't be trying again, I just want to trust that God knows what he's doing and let him take care of it. These decisions are far too great for me.

I ask for hopes, prayers and well wishes in this new chapter of my life. I am sure it will come with fears and tears and God only knows what other emotions. But, I think I am excited....